Reluctantly Accepting the Aging Process

I write this as I am looking out of the window of my home office, watching someone shovel snow off of my driveway and sidewalks. I have an ongoing agreement with this person that when it snows enough to require snow removal, he will do it--for a price.  Just two years ago, I would have personally done the shoveling hours earlier--possibly even last night--before anyone had to get out of the garage and driveway this morning.  But that changed on a summer day about a year and a half ago.  That was the day I was pitching a Whiffle ball to my then 4-year-old grandson in his back yard.  He hit a pop fly over my head, and as I turned around to track and catch it, keeping my eye on the ball, I did catch it--about one step before my foot caught the side of a stone/brick fire pit.  I fell, landing on my right arm, and felt two distinct pops in my shoulder.  At that point I could no longer lift my arm to my head without considerable pain.  Doctor's appointments, X-rays, physical therapy, and regular shoulder exercises ensued.  My goal was to be able to swing a golf club and play golf by the Spring of 2015, and I was successful in my goal.

The problem was that the shoulder was never "normal" again.  I could not throw a ball overhand without pain.  But the truth is that I rarely needed to do that, so it really wasn't that big of a deal.  I was able to play golf virtually  shoulder-pain free when my schedule permitted me to do so throughout 2015.

But as the the winter of 2015 set in and became 2016, the pain in my shoulder became more consistent, to the point where even reaching for something on a shelf had become painful.  So it was back to the doctor, who gave me the news that it appears to be a shoulder impingement--combined with arthritis.  He said he could give me a shot if my shoulder is really painful, but I think I'd rather deal with the shoulder pain than a needle.  For the record, I hate needles when they are to be stuck into me.  The doctor told me to keep taking the arthritis-formula acetaminophen daily.  I also hate taking pills, but since I hate needles more (and hate the thought of surgery even more than the thought of needles), I have continued to take the acetaminophen daily--along with several other vitamins and minerals the doctor has suggested I take.

The pain is still there, but it's more of a nuisance than anything disabling.  I just have to be careful not to try to do certain things that might really aggravate the situation and make the pain much worse--such as throwing a ball.  I miss that.

But then I look out the window and see that in the time it's taken me to write this, the snow has been shoveled off my sidewalks and driveway--and I didn't have to leave the inside where it's warm and dry.  And I am thinking that the $12 charged to me by the person who shovels the snow for me is worth it--especially because shoveling snow would almost certainly aggravate my shoulder. 

At the same time, there is a part of me that has to admit that because I hate being in the snow and cold so much, even if my shoulder was "normal," I might be tempted to hire this person to clear the snow from my driveway and sidewalks and consider the $12 fee well spent.  But then I would deal with my conscience questioning if I should save the $12 and just not be so lazy.

The truth is that, while I would rather have a "normal" shoulder and deal with the struggle between saving the money to have someone remove the snow and saving the money by removing the snow myself, there is indeed a part of me that is glad I don't have to feel guilty about not shoveling the snow myself.  I guess that the development of the arthritis in my shoulder that keeps me from being able to shovel the snow is just part of my reluctantly accepting the aging process.